Monday, April 5, 2010

Court is coming

One week from today I will be facing my abuser in the courtroom. I am scared. He clearly has stated he has no remorse for his crimes. No REGRETS he says. NO REGRETS! Your daughter was in the next room that night... and you have no regrets?! It makes me angry. It also makes me very sad. How could I have not left this monster years ago. But If I left I wouldn't have the one person who means everything to me, My daughter. The ugly, sad truth is with out her his hands would have murdered me. My brain is not so good anymore. I forget things easily and why? Because my abuser would punch me in the head and shove my head into walls. He would squeeze my neck until I got no air and would sometimes pass out. It's funny I would hide (aka pretend to be sick from work) until the hand prints around my neck would fade. Once There was a picture taken I was about 35 weeks pregnant and a picture was taken. In the picture you can see the bruises on my neck people who seen the picture said, "Look at that so far along and still getting frisky" I would weakly smile amd agree but inside i was SCREAMING HE HURT ME! Why CAN'T YOU SEE HE HURT ME" I found that picture when I was moving out of our home. He wrote on the back "What Happened to us? We used to be so happy" DENIAL MUCH?! Even though I knew he would never see the picture again I circled the bruise around my neck and wrote THIS HAPPENED TO US... YOU HURT ME!
The survivor feels like a victim tonight and I don't like this feeling. I don't deserve this feeling. I DEMAND A BETTER FUTURE!

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