I am finally starting to heal after nearly 4 months. I still wake up screaming from nightmares if I don't fall asleep completely exhausted but aside from that my heart seems to be on the mend.
For a long time I wondered if I did the right thing by calling the police that night. I think that you start to feel sympathy for your abuser. That you think if "I could just give him more love, more understanding he can get better." I've held on to that for a long time. But I had no more to give. Today more than ever I realized that nothing that anyone could give him will help him to change. He comes from a family of abusers. When he got locked up the Abuse didn't stop. Yes HE no longer could physically,mentally or verbally abuse me anymore he just passed the torch to his family. His family lashes out in ridiculous verbal assaults. If I hear "You pushed his buttons, You made him abuse you and set the fire" I will scream!! Seriously do you know how ridiculous you sound.
They make sure to throw in my face that my daughter is a >insert sperm donors last name here< every chance they get. Well... let me tell you The only thing he ever did was trigger too soon and shoot his load and one of his little guys made it to the target and boom conception! THAT DOES NOT MAKE HER A >insert sperm donors last name here< I CARRIED HER FOR 38 weeks 1 day. IT WAS MY BODY THAT PROTECTED & NOURISHED HER IT WAS MY HEARTBEAT THAT SHE HEARD AND FELT FROM THE INSIDE, IT WAS INSIDE ME THAT FELT ALL THOSE LITTLE KICKS AND STRETCHS AND HEAD BUTTS AND HICCUPS. IT WAS ME WHO WENT THROUGH 10 HOUR OF LABOR TO BRING HER INTO THIS WORLD. IT WAS MY BREAST SHE NURSED FROM...IT WAS ME WHO TOOK CARE OF HER ALONE from the moment I was pregnant until now and for the rest of her life. Her name that I CHOOSE for her means Little Poet. Her middle name was her Great Grandmothers name. The kindest, most patient person I have ever met.. Your Last name means NOTHING! It was not chosen it was given because they handed me papers to sign while I was in labor!
As for saying that all the women that have supported me, been like sisters to me and love my daughter unconditionally aren't her REAL Aunts..MOOT!!! They are more her aunts then YOU COULD EVER BE!!!
Your WHOLE family abuses...Do yourselves a HUGE favor and just start victimizing each other because my daughter and I are no longer available... Starting this minute your words mean NOTHING!!!
I will however continue praying for the >insert sperm donors last name here< family. It seems their only hope is a seriously intervention from The Big Guy!